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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?